May 23, 2001
I just thought I would update you all in how things have been going for me. I realize its been a while since I have done this. Where to start, well first of all, May of 2000 Tom and I bought a house (actually we bought my ex husbands share). We have done lots of changes to it, to make it OUR house. July of 2000, my divorce was finalized, it was a happy moment, but at the same time a sad moment. I am sure anyone who has been divorced would understand the feelings. My ex and I share custody of the children. WE all get along just fine, oh sure we have our ups and downs but who doesn't! Everyone has adjusted well to all the changes, especially the children! They are wonderful kids! In November 2000, I asked Tom to marry me!! He, of course said "yes". I was tired of waiting, and I thought this is the 2000's now, why not. We had planned on going to Reno anyway, so it was perfect!
We married January 29,2001 in a little chapel in Reno.
We had a wonderful time down there, and as Tom likes to say "we left a deposit in Reno".
My knee has not changed much. I have been from one doctor to another with not much luck. I officially gave notice at work in Feb./01, and I had gone back to work the summer of 2000 for 5 weeks, but it did not work out. I will now be going to a pain clinic in June 01. There isn't a day that goes by without me being in pain or swelling. I have applied for disability, just waiting to hear. Patience right!!! I do get frustrated with my knee, and often think why its still like this, but I do believe there is a reason for everything. For example, I always wanted to know why it happened in the first place, 2 years later I figured it out. Its because, it was the only way I could "be" with Tom on a permanent basis (as I lived with him at his apartment, before moving into the house). God knew I didn't want to be with my EX anymore and live with him in the same house. So to me, my knee was a blessing!
And for now, why is it still like this? The feeling I get inside is that, I am still like this for my children, so that I can be home for them. See them off to school and be here when they come home. In the long run, as they get older, I think it will pay off. I, myself, never had a mother to come home from after school, as she had to work very hard to support my sister and I, however, I realize now how much I missed that. I use to be jealous of all the other kids that were able to come home to their mothers and I never did. Dont' get me wrong, I am not angry or upset with my mom for this, as it was the only way she could do it. Wow, here I sit with tears in my eyes, realizing I just made a connection with myself, about my knee, kids and my mom. Oh how I love these moments! Being at home also allows me to spend time with Tom when ever we can, as I am not tied down to a job.
As far as the eating disorder goes, I am still doing awesome, being in recovery is great! I still have my good and bad days, my ups and downs, just like everyone else! I still can struggle to, but as I said before, when "eating" or "body image" comes into place, it all boils down to "something bothering me", I just need to figure it out, most times I know very soon, but sometimes it takes me a while. Food does not interfere with my daily life. I still eat what I want, whenever I want, oh and that includes chocolate almost every day! This is the happiest I have been in my life and ultimately the most I have ever weighed....hmmm I wonder why?
My CFS for about the past year or so is back almost on a daily basis. I am always tired and yes I do get frustrated, but it is a part of my life that I have accepted and I have to "listen" to my body, and that goes for my knee as well. So I do what I can when my body permits. Oh, sometimes I am stubborn and push myself, and yes I will pay for it later, but thats OK, just means I am frustrated with it all and thats allowed!!
All in all, things are going very well for me. I am happy with myself, I love myself and I have a wonderful husband who loves me, for me, and 3 beautiful children who show me daily about life and I see their smiles everyday! Tom has taught me so much since I met him, but the one thing that stands out the most, is his positive thinking, when things are bad he looks at the positive. We have our ups and downs too, but we try very hard to always talk about them, and never give up. Tom I love you with all my heart, today, tomorrow, forever! (your princess).
I just thought I would update you all in how things have been going for me. I realize its been a while since I have done this. Where to start, well first of all, May of 2000 Tom and I bought a house (actually we bought my ex husbands share). We have done lots of changes to it, to make it OUR house. July of 2000, my divorce was finalized, it was a happy moment, but at the same time a sad moment. I am sure anyone who has been divorced would understand the feelings. My ex and I share custody of the children. WE all get along just fine, oh sure we have our ups and downs but who doesn't! Everyone has adjusted well to all the changes, especially the children! They are wonderful kids! In November 2000, I asked Tom to marry me!! He, of course said "yes". I was tired of waiting, and I thought this is the 2000's now, why not. We had planned on going to Reno anyway, so it was perfect!
We married January 29,2001 in a little chapel in Reno.
We had a wonderful time down there, and as Tom likes to say "we left a deposit in Reno".
My knee has not changed much. I have been from one doctor to another with not much luck. I officially gave notice at work in Feb./01, and I had gone back to work the summer of 2000 for 5 weeks, but it did not work out. I will now be going to a pain clinic in June 01. There isn't a day that goes by without me being in pain or swelling. I have applied for disability, just waiting to hear. Patience right!!! I do get frustrated with my knee, and often think why its still like this, but I do believe there is a reason for everything. For example, I always wanted to know why it happened in the first place, 2 years later I figured it out. Its because, it was the only way I could "be" with Tom on a permanent basis (as I lived with him at his apartment, before moving into the house). God knew I didn't want to be with my EX anymore and live with him in the same house. So to me, my knee was a blessing!
And for now, why is it still like this? The feeling I get inside is that, I am still like this for my children, so that I can be home for them. See them off to school and be here when they come home. In the long run, as they get older, I think it will pay off. I, myself, never had a mother to come home from after school, as she had to work very hard to support my sister and I, however, I realize now how much I missed that. I use to be jealous of all the other kids that were able to come home to their mothers and I never did. Dont' get me wrong, I am not angry or upset with my mom for this, as it was the only way she could do it. Wow, here I sit with tears in my eyes, realizing I just made a connection with myself, about my knee, kids and my mom. Oh how I love these moments! Being at home also allows me to spend time with Tom when ever we can, as I am not tied down to a job.
As far as the eating disorder goes, I am still doing awesome, being in recovery is great! I still have my good and bad days, my ups and downs, just like everyone else! I still can struggle to, but as I said before, when "eating" or "body image" comes into place, it all boils down to "something bothering me", I just need to figure it out, most times I know very soon, but sometimes it takes me a while. Food does not interfere with my daily life. I still eat what I want, whenever I want, oh and that includes chocolate almost every day! This is the happiest I have been in my life and ultimately the most I have ever weighed....hmmm I wonder why?
My CFS for about the past year or so is back almost on a daily basis. I am always tired and yes I do get frustrated, but it is a part of my life that I have accepted and I have to "listen" to my body, and that goes for my knee as well. So I do what I can when my body permits. Oh, sometimes I am stubborn and push myself, and yes I will pay for it later, but thats OK, just means I am frustrated with it all and thats allowed!!
All in all, things are going very well for me. I am happy with myself, I love myself and I have a wonderful husband who loves me, for me, and 3 beautiful children who show me daily about life and I see their smiles everyday! Tom has taught me so much since I met him, but the one thing that stands out the most, is his positive thinking, when things are bad he looks at the positive. We have our ups and downs too, but we try very hard to always talk about them, and never give up. Tom I love you with all my heart, today, tomorrow, forever! (your princess).
December 18, 2002
It has definitely been a very long time since I updated my life. For that I appologize, but running a household with 3 kids, a 110 pound dog and a wonderful husband, takes alot of my time up. My health has not been the greatest lately either.
My CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) has been very strong lately for me, about a year now and I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as well about 8 months ago.
For those who don't know what fibro is, I will give you a short lesson on it. Basically my muscles in my body are sore all the time, they ache and I get very tired as well. I find some things, just daily things, very hard to do sometimes. My knee is not any better and it has been over 3 years since the accident. Through all of this tho, I still have been able to eat and be as happy as I can be. Yes, I have my down days, especially when I am really sore and tired, but I have the support from my husband and when I am very bad I just try to take it easy and rest.
Last nite I did a talk to a group of people who are in recovery. What I talk about is my experience with my eating disorder. I am always so proud and honoured to speak to people about this, as I know when I was in recovery I had no one that I knew who was where I was or to ask someone whats it like now, is there really a lite at the end of the tunnel.
As I mentioned above I am doing fine, appart from my health problems. My life is wonderful, my kids and husband are wonderful and our dog Kimo has been a great asset to the family, challenging at times, but a joy to have around. I hope to return to work next year sometime, but I will have to find the right job, as I can't stand for long periods of time with my knee or it will swell too much. I am still learning about myself, accepting changes within myself and my body. I still have my good and bad days, but I know when I am having my "fat day" that something is bothering me and I can usually figure it out, but if not, I talk with my husband and then if that doesn't work I go and see Lynn my therapist from before. Some days body image is harder for me then others, but I realize that my body is changing all the time and since I am in peri-menopause, it changes even more. One thing I still know for sure, is that starving myself and not eating will not solve my problems, it will just make it worse. Besides I have worked so hard for where I am today, I will NOT give that back to anorexia.
I hope all of you will keep fighting for your life. I believe everyone can do it, if you want it bad enough. We all deserve a happy, healthy eating disorder free life!
It has definitely been a very long time since I updated my life. For that I appologize, but running a household with 3 kids, a 110 pound dog and a wonderful husband, takes alot of my time up. My health has not been the greatest lately either.
My CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) has been very strong lately for me, about a year now and I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as well about 8 months ago.
For those who don't know what fibro is, I will give you a short lesson on it. Basically my muscles in my body are sore all the time, they ache and I get very tired as well. I find some things, just daily things, very hard to do sometimes. My knee is not any better and it has been over 3 years since the accident. Through all of this tho, I still have been able to eat and be as happy as I can be. Yes, I have my down days, especially when I am really sore and tired, but I have the support from my husband and when I am very bad I just try to take it easy and rest.
Last nite I did a talk to a group of people who are in recovery. What I talk about is my experience with my eating disorder. I am always so proud and honoured to speak to people about this, as I know when I was in recovery I had no one that I knew who was where I was or to ask someone whats it like now, is there really a lite at the end of the tunnel.
As I mentioned above I am doing fine, appart from my health problems. My life is wonderful, my kids and husband are wonderful and our dog Kimo has been a great asset to the family, challenging at times, but a joy to have around. I hope to return to work next year sometime, but I will have to find the right job, as I can't stand for long periods of time with my knee or it will swell too much. I am still learning about myself, accepting changes within myself and my body. I still have my good and bad days, but I know when I am having my "fat day" that something is bothering me and I can usually figure it out, but if not, I talk with my husband and then if that doesn't work I go and see Lynn my therapist from before. Some days body image is harder for me then others, but I realize that my body is changing all the time and since I am in peri-menopause, it changes even more. One thing I still know for sure, is that starving myself and not eating will not solve my problems, it will just make it worse. Besides I have worked so hard for where I am today, I will NOT give that back to anorexia.
I hope all of you will keep fighting for your life. I believe everyone can do it, if you want it bad enough. We all deserve a happy, healthy eating disorder free life!
November 25, 2003
Yes, its been a year since I last updated this part of my web site. Most of it has been from being so exhausted all the time with my CFS and FM, as well as running a household! People who have these illnesses, can find anything can be tiring, even daily things. At times I do feel this way myself, so the thought of sitting down to write in my site isn't there as I would rather be sleeping. However, I have been thinking for a month or so, that I do want to write in here, so that is what I am doing today.
I have just recently finished a CFS and FM recovery group. I certainly learned more about myself and about the illnesses. We were given info about how to better manage our illnesses, as well as learning mind body therapy, meditation and more. Since the beginning of the group, I have improved on a few things, not as much as I thought I would, but then as time went on I realized there is no magic pill that will instantly cure me, just like I thought when I was in recovery for my anorexia. I am certainly not as sore as I used to be, and I was able to go off of a few medications that were wearing me down, this is my biggest accomplishment that I got from the group. There are still a few more things that I would like to do, but in time I will get them. I have learned I need to pace myself more. I seem to try to do everything in one day, especially if I am having a good day where I feel energized, and thats what most ppl seem to do. They have a great day and want to do everything cuz they have missed so much on the days they couldn't move. I am no exception to this, but I have definitely learned to slow down. This has been a real challenge for me thats for sure. On our last meeting of the group we shared the things that inspired us, for me it was my family, but most importantly, that if I can be in recovery for 8 years with my anorexia, then I know darn well I can be in recovery for my CFS and FM. Yes, I am in recovery for that now, but I still have a long way to go, and once I no longer feel the exhaustion I feel now, then I will know I have accomplished my goal.
There still has been no change with my knee and on that note, I realize even more now that my life has to go on, so I am contemplating going back to school to learn to become a pharmacy technician. And even tho I will have to stand to do that job, I know my knee will be sore and swollen, but I hope to get a very good brace that will help with that. I am eager to do something for me now, now that my children are growing up. I also know that I want to go back to work, but not just any job.
My eating disorder recovery is still going good. Ya, I have my good and bad days, but thats part of the recovery road. With the peri-meno I am in (still), body image has still been very hard on me, I have gained wt and I am still getting used to it. Some days are better then others, and some days I am able to accept my body and some I am not. This is probably the toughest part for me right now. But I haven't given in to the e.d., I am still working very hard on that. But as you all know, it would be so easy to just go back. What stops me you ask? The hard work I have done within myself, my family, the things I risk losing, thinking of my days when I was in the hospital in recovery and the hell it is to get out. Yes, it is worth it to keep fighting. I will say that over and over and over to all of you, including myself, because I truly believe it.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. I will keep updating this part as much as I can.
Yes, its been a year since I last updated this part of my web site. Most of it has been from being so exhausted all the time with my CFS and FM, as well as running a household! People who have these illnesses, can find anything can be tiring, even daily things. At times I do feel this way myself, so the thought of sitting down to write in my site isn't there as I would rather be sleeping. However, I have been thinking for a month or so, that I do want to write in here, so that is what I am doing today.
I have just recently finished a CFS and FM recovery group. I certainly learned more about myself and about the illnesses. We were given info about how to better manage our illnesses, as well as learning mind body therapy, meditation and more. Since the beginning of the group, I have improved on a few things, not as much as I thought I would, but then as time went on I realized there is no magic pill that will instantly cure me, just like I thought when I was in recovery for my anorexia. I am certainly not as sore as I used to be, and I was able to go off of a few medications that were wearing me down, this is my biggest accomplishment that I got from the group. There are still a few more things that I would like to do, but in time I will get them. I have learned I need to pace myself more. I seem to try to do everything in one day, especially if I am having a good day where I feel energized, and thats what most ppl seem to do. They have a great day and want to do everything cuz they have missed so much on the days they couldn't move. I am no exception to this, but I have definitely learned to slow down. This has been a real challenge for me thats for sure. On our last meeting of the group we shared the things that inspired us, for me it was my family, but most importantly, that if I can be in recovery for 8 years with my anorexia, then I know darn well I can be in recovery for my CFS and FM. Yes, I am in recovery for that now, but I still have a long way to go, and once I no longer feel the exhaustion I feel now, then I will know I have accomplished my goal.
There still has been no change with my knee and on that note, I realize even more now that my life has to go on, so I am contemplating going back to school to learn to become a pharmacy technician. And even tho I will have to stand to do that job, I know my knee will be sore and swollen, but I hope to get a very good brace that will help with that. I am eager to do something for me now, now that my children are growing up. I also know that I want to go back to work, but not just any job.
My eating disorder recovery is still going good. Ya, I have my good and bad days, but thats part of the recovery road. With the peri-meno I am in (still), body image has still been very hard on me, I have gained wt and I am still getting used to it. Some days are better then others, and some days I am able to accept my body and some I am not. This is probably the toughest part for me right now. But I haven't given in to the e.d., I am still working very hard on that. But as you all know, it would be so easy to just go back. What stops me you ask? The hard work I have done within myself, my family, the things I risk losing, thinking of my days when I was in the hospital in recovery and the hell it is to get out. Yes, it is worth it to keep fighting. I will say that over and over and over to all of you, including myself, because I truly believe it.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. I will keep updating this part as much as I can.
April 19, 2005
I must apologize for the VERY long time since I have written about how I am doing. The fibromylagia and cfs for the last few years have taken a toll on my life. I have been coping with it ever since and trying to do what I can.
I have come to realize even more that both of these (fibro and cfs) are a part of my life and that I need to adjust my life according to how I am feeling. Some days are better then others, but its here to stay. Life, for me, also has to go on.
On that note I am now working and have been since October 2004. I am in customer service and at times my job can be very physical. Yes, most days I come home tired and very sore, but I truly enjoy what I am doing and it has helped me in more ways then I could have imagined! It feels great to get out of the house and be more then just a "mom" and "wife". I love working with the public and helping people. I am a much happier person since working. And of course it helps financially. I do, however, know my limits at work and I know when to say "no" I can't take an extra shift.
As far as the eating disorder goes, I am still doing just fine. I have lost weight since I have been working and so I am extremely careful not to get caught up in that "feeling" of how it feels. Because I know if I did, before I know it, I would be down that road again - of being sick and losing weight. As I have said before, I have worked too hard for where I am today, to just let it go and give in to anorexia.
I am proud of what I have accomplished.
Life is good for me. My family is wonderful and supporting. My kids are growing up fast. I am happy to be alive and to continue with my on-going process of recovery. It feels great to be in power and in control of my own life.
Never ever give up on your own fight to win over an eating disorder. I know how difficult it is, being there myself, but it is sooooo worth it. You CAN do it! I believe that, in anyone! Take care everyone!
I must apologize for the VERY long time since I have written about how I am doing. The fibromylagia and cfs for the last few years have taken a toll on my life. I have been coping with it ever since and trying to do what I can.
I have come to realize even more that both of these (fibro and cfs) are a part of my life and that I need to adjust my life according to how I am feeling. Some days are better then others, but its here to stay. Life, for me, also has to go on.
On that note I am now working and have been since October 2004. I am in customer service and at times my job can be very physical. Yes, most days I come home tired and very sore, but I truly enjoy what I am doing and it has helped me in more ways then I could have imagined! It feels great to get out of the house and be more then just a "mom" and "wife". I love working with the public and helping people. I am a much happier person since working. And of course it helps financially. I do, however, know my limits at work and I know when to say "no" I can't take an extra shift.
As far as the eating disorder goes, I am still doing just fine. I have lost weight since I have been working and so I am extremely careful not to get caught up in that "feeling" of how it feels. Because I know if I did, before I know it, I would be down that road again - of being sick and losing weight. As I have said before, I have worked too hard for where I am today, to just let it go and give in to anorexia.
I am proud of what I have accomplished.
Life is good for me. My family is wonderful and supporting. My kids are growing up fast. I am happy to be alive and to continue with my on-going process of recovery. It feels great to be in power and in control of my own life.
Never ever give up on your own fight to win over an eating disorder. I know how difficult it is, being there myself, but it is sooooo worth it. You CAN do it! I believe that, in anyone! Take care everyone!
©KimRatcliffe