August 14, 2010
Again my sincere apology for not keeping up on this part of my website. Yes its been 5 years since I wrote anything, but life just seems to be so busy.
My oldest son and my daughter have now graduated from high school. My son is working full time, until he decides which career path he would like to take, while my daughter is going to be in second year university, studying to become a Veterinarian. My youngest son is now in Grade 12 and will be graduating in 2011. They are all aware of my eating disorder, as I continue to speak at events about my personal journey. I wanted them to know about it and how difficult it was for me.
I am still working part time at the same place but I have changed departments because of my physical ability. I can no longer lift heavy objects due to my disc in my back, therefore, needed to try something new. I love what I do now (inventory control) and of course the best part is not having to lift anything heavy.
Tom and I have been married for 9 1/2 years now, he's still a wonderful man, that spoils me and loves me for who I am, not my size - that has not changed at all with him. I have gained more weight since first meeting him, from age, my physical limitations and just nature. But as I said above, he still loves me for me.
My CFS and fibro are still very much apart of my life, don't think they will ever go away, but I never thought they would. It would be how I managed them and I still have to take medications for them, but to me its quality of life, not necessarily quantity. I would rather be able to enjoy life and do things with my family then I would be to sit or lie at home in bed. Sometimes, well alot of times work is hard for me, because it involves alot of walking and bending and if I am sore already work makes it harder.
One of my new passions, apart from making silk arrangements, is owning aquariums. I love my aquariums, watching the fish - its so relaxaing, but even with them, I have had to downsize because of how tired and sore I can get from them. I will always have an aquarium or 2 because I love and enjoy them.
I was in a car accident in March of this year and my neck and shoulder were hurt in it. Because of this life is harder for me - again due to the fibro and CFS. This is the reason I had to cut down on my aquariums as I could no longer care for them, and maintain them the way they should be. It was a hard decision to make but I was always aching so bad when I had to clean them.
Aproximately 8 years ago now I was diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) let me tell you that has been something to live with. I came across a wonderful website that has helped me gain some management with it and I am doing much better now. It will never leave, but its all about managing.
Lastly my eating disorder - it is non-existent. Sometimes its hard to remember I even went through it or had it, but I will never forget that I did and the work I did to recover. I can honestly say I am recovered and life is wonderful in that area. I won`t forget where I came from or how I got better and the people that helped me, because it is something I am still so very proud of.
I still speak at events about my personal journey, help others who email me and try to be as involved in spreading the word of recovery as life allows me to, I will never stop doing this.
Remember we all deserve a happy, healthy, eating disorder free life. You can do it, its possible - I know - I am living proof.
_______________________________________________
October 28, 2010
I recently participated in an "all size" fashion show for Shelley's Angels, its a non-profit organization that raises money for people who cannot always afford therapy. This was my 3rd year helping out, the first 2 years, I was a speaker at. I had an absolute blast! modeling an outfit. It was so wonderful to see so many women, of all sizes and ages participating.
One of the guest speakers that night was Jeni Schaefer, she is an amazing speaker and I really gained alot more insight of myself that night. I had been thinking in the previous month or so that I might need to go for a therapy session just to get some thoughts organized in my head as well as feelings, but after listening to Jeni speak, I realized I was just fine, what I was feeling was "normal" and just all about living life & where I am at this point in my life. It was re-assuring, and just what I needed to hear that night.
So even though I am recovered, I still "have moments" in my life where I am unsure about things (not eating disorder anymore) but life things. Wondering if I am loosing it or what, I learned that night, that, that is OK, its normal, just like other people feel in this world.
I am still doing great eating disorder wise and I was even at that time, I know I will never go back, I have certainly tested myself and my anorexia just doesn't show up anymore, its a part of my life that is over with now.
Still working on the fibro and the recent car accident, having quite a few problems with my neck/shoulders still, but am hopeful it will get better.
Remember, we all deserve a happy, healthy, eating disorder free life. It is possible to recover - I know, I am living proof!
_______________________________________________
June 19 2011
Again it seems like I am always apologizing for not writing more often, but as usual I have been busy, with work, life and so on.
In March of this year my husband was in a serious motorcycle accident and although he will be fine, he did have some major injuries (almost healed now) but I, (we) both looked at life differently after that, and realize how precious life truly is.
Being stuck in your eating disorder is no different, each day IT has a hold of your life, its another precious day gone. But you have the POWER to change that, all you need to do is believe in yourself & work hard at recovery.
My fibromyalgia hasn't changed, if anything it has worsen only because I have had to do more in my life since my husband's accident (he did alot around the house for me) my kids have been a big help as well, but my body has taken a toll for sure. I just keep plugging along the best I can.
Again my sincere apology for not keeping up on this part of my website. Yes its been 5 years since I wrote anything, but life just seems to be so busy.
My oldest son and my daughter have now graduated from high school. My son is working full time, until he decides which career path he would like to take, while my daughter is going to be in second year university, studying to become a Veterinarian. My youngest son is now in Grade 12 and will be graduating in 2011. They are all aware of my eating disorder, as I continue to speak at events about my personal journey. I wanted them to know about it and how difficult it was for me.
I am still working part time at the same place but I have changed departments because of my physical ability. I can no longer lift heavy objects due to my disc in my back, therefore, needed to try something new. I love what I do now (inventory control) and of course the best part is not having to lift anything heavy.
Tom and I have been married for 9 1/2 years now, he's still a wonderful man, that spoils me and loves me for who I am, not my size - that has not changed at all with him. I have gained more weight since first meeting him, from age, my physical limitations and just nature. But as I said above, he still loves me for me.
My CFS and fibro are still very much apart of my life, don't think they will ever go away, but I never thought they would. It would be how I managed them and I still have to take medications for them, but to me its quality of life, not necessarily quantity. I would rather be able to enjoy life and do things with my family then I would be to sit or lie at home in bed. Sometimes, well alot of times work is hard for me, because it involves alot of walking and bending and if I am sore already work makes it harder.
One of my new passions, apart from making silk arrangements, is owning aquariums. I love my aquariums, watching the fish - its so relaxaing, but even with them, I have had to downsize because of how tired and sore I can get from them. I will always have an aquarium or 2 because I love and enjoy them.
I was in a car accident in March of this year and my neck and shoulder were hurt in it. Because of this life is harder for me - again due to the fibro and CFS. This is the reason I had to cut down on my aquariums as I could no longer care for them, and maintain them the way they should be. It was a hard decision to make but I was always aching so bad when I had to clean them.
Aproximately 8 years ago now I was diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) let me tell you that has been something to live with. I came across a wonderful website that has helped me gain some management with it and I am doing much better now. It will never leave, but its all about managing.
Lastly my eating disorder - it is non-existent. Sometimes its hard to remember I even went through it or had it, but I will never forget that I did and the work I did to recover. I can honestly say I am recovered and life is wonderful in that area. I won`t forget where I came from or how I got better and the people that helped me, because it is something I am still so very proud of.
I still speak at events about my personal journey, help others who email me and try to be as involved in spreading the word of recovery as life allows me to, I will never stop doing this.
Remember we all deserve a happy, healthy, eating disorder free life. You can do it, its possible - I know - I am living proof.
_______________________________________________
October 28, 2010
I recently participated in an "all size" fashion show for Shelley's Angels, its a non-profit organization that raises money for people who cannot always afford therapy. This was my 3rd year helping out, the first 2 years, I was a speaker at. I had an absolute blast! modeling an outfit. It was so wonderful to see so many women, of all sizes and ages participating.
One of the guest speakers that night was Jeni Schaefer, she is an amazing speaker and I really gained alot more insight of myself that night. I had been thinking in the previous month or so that I might need to go for a therapy session just to get some thoughts organized in my head as well as feelings, but after listening to Jeni speak, I realized I was just fine, what I was feeling was "normal" and just all about living life & where I am at this point in my life. It was re-assuring, and just what I needed to hear that night.
So even though I am recovered, I still "have moments" in my life where I am unsure about things (not eating disorder anymore) but life things. Wondering if I am loosing it or what, I learned that night, that, that is OK, its normal, just like other people feel in this world.
I am still doing great eating disorder wise and I was even at that time, I know I will never go back, I have certainly tested myself and my anorexia just doesn't show up anymore, its a part of my life that is over with now.
Still working on the fibro and the recent car accident, having quite a few problems with my neck/shoulders still, but am hopeful it will get better.
Remember, we all deserve a happy, healthy, eating disorder free life. It is possible to recover - I know, I am living proof!
_______________________________________________
June 19 2011
Again it seems like I am always apologizing for not writing more often, but as usual I have been busy, with work, life and so on.
In March of this year my husband was in a serious motorcycle accident and although he will be fine, he did have some major injuries (almost healed now) but I, (we) both looked at life differently after that, and realize how precious life truly is.
Being stuck in your eating disorder is no different, each day IT has a hold of your life, its another precious day gone. But you have the POWER to change that, all you need to do is believe in yourself & work hard at recovery.
My fibromyalgia hasn't changed, if anything it has worsen only because I have had to do more in my life since my husband's accident (he did alot around the house for me) my kids have been a big help as well, but my body has taken a toll for sure. I just keep plugging along the best I can.
________________________________________________
July 31, 2011
I needed some time to take care of myself so on June 30, 2011 I took a 3 month leave of absence from work to do just that, take care of my health.
Its mostly due to the fibromyalgia but there are a few other health issues as well. So far I feel OK. I knew that my body would crash, and it did. So now I just take it day by day, and choose one thing to do a day, as not to wear myself out.
I realized how important it is to take care of yourself and for a while there I think I lost that. Because if you don't take care of yourself, you can't be any help to anyone else.
I will take my 3 month leave and work on getting my strength back, and enjoy life again. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing in this world!
____________________________________________
July 31, 2011
I needed some time to take care of myself so on June 30, 2011 I took a 3 month leave of absence from work to do just that, take care of my health.
Its mostly due to the fibromyalgia but there are a few other health issues as well. So far I feel OK. I knew that my body would crash, and it did. So now I just take it day by day, and choose one thing to do a day, as not to wear myself out.
I realized how important it is to take care of yourself and for a while there I think I lost that. Because if you don't take care of yourself, you can't be any help to anyone else.
I will take my 3 month leave and work on getting my strength back, and enjoy life again. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing in this world!
____________________________________________
July 4, 2012
I realize its been a year since I have updated, but a lot has been going on in my life.
After my 3 month leave of absence I went back to work, I had to know if I could do it as well as, what working would do to my life again, I quickly found the answer and with that I retired October 31, 2011. This has been one of the best decisions I have made for my health and life. My body has definitely improved, but with anything, I have my good and bad days.
I have truly been trying to work on getting my health back again, because without your health, you don't have much, at least in my opinion. I know now when I have a bad day, that I can just rest at home, and not have to worry about work or going into work, and on my good days, I try to do more so my body can get used to it. Sometimes my brain isn't up to speed with my body and I do pay for it, but I am trying to find a happy medium for my body.
The other major change in my life is that my husband and I will be moving, because of his employment, but also because this is something we have wanted for the last 5 years. The hardest part for me, has been accepting that my children ( well they are not children but young adults) won't be coming with us. My daughter has already been away for the past 3 years at university, but my boys have been here with us, they will not be coming with us, as their life and jobs are here where we are now, and I completely understand that. We will be moving south east from where we are now and about a 3 - 4 hour drive, so its not too bad. I have had a lot of emotions with this process, with the biggest being grieving for the loss of my children or empty nest syndrome. I am still working through it and I will once we are up there ( we don't actually go until September) but have been using my tool of journaling for how I am feeling.
Anyway, thats a quick update, I'll keep you all posted!
___________________________________________
I realize its been a year since I have updated, but a lot has been going on in my life.
After my 3 month leave of absence I went back to work, I had to know if I could do it as well as, what working would do to my life again, I quickly found the answer and with that I retired October 31, 2011. This has been one of the best decisions I have made for my health and life. My body has definitely improved, but with anything, I have my good and bad days.
I have truly been trying to work on getting my health back again, because without your health, you don't have much, at least in my opinion. I know now when I have a bad day, that I can just rest at home, and not have to worry about work or going into work, and on my good days, I try to do more so my body can get used to it. Sometimes my brain isn't up to speed with my body and I do pay for it, but I am trying to find a happy medium for my body.
The other major change in my life is that my husband and I will be moving, because of his employment, but also because this is something we have wanted for the last 5 years. The hardest part for me, has been accepting that my children ( well they are not children but young adults) won't be coming with us. My daughter has already been away for the past 3 years at university, but my boys have been here with us, they will not be coming with us, as their life and jobs are here where we are now, and I completely understand that. We will be moving south east from where we are now and about a 3 - 4 hour drive, so its not too bad. I have had a lot of emotions with this process, with the biggest being grieving for the loss of my children or empty nest syndrome. I am still working through it and I will once we are up there ( we don't actually go until September) but have been using my tool of journaling for how I am feeling.
Anyway, thats a quick update, I'll keep you all posted!
___________________________________________
January 15, 2013
Here I am again, writing later then I wanted to, my aoplogies!
I have now been off work for over a year, and it is still the best thing I could have done. I have no regrets with my decision. I still have good and bad days, but at least when they happen, I don't have to worry about work.
I have been recently diagnosed with "vertigo", and am waiting on my doctor for whats next as far as treatment goes. I totally didn't expect this, I didn't even know what it was until I googled it! Its not fun I will admitt. The dizziness & nauseasness at times is unbareable, but I do my best to manage it.
After many showings of our house it finally sold a the end of September 2012 (it actually went to he person who put an offer on the house 2 weeks after it was on the market - we just had to wait for them to sell their place). My husband had to start work in early September, but I had to stay and wait. We began to slowly pack some things (the majority of it was being done by packers and movers), however, I had my aquariums to take down, and we had to be out by October 26/12. Once we had a date there was lots to get done in just 3 weeks. But we did, and on the 26 we were on the road to begin our new life! It took us roughly 4 hours to get to where we were moving to, with Daisy in the back seat of my car! She enjoyed it I think - we put her bed on the seat & I think she felt a bit more comfortable!
We had not found a place to buy (the one we had an offer on fell through as our house wasn't sold yet) so my husband was able to find us a rental house (we are still in it, and still looking for something to buy). So for the first week here we stayed in a motel and then on November 1/12 we moved into the rental - the rental is very nice & I am grateful we have it.
I didn't have alot of time to really think or feel any emotion, except the day we left. I had lived in that house for 25 years and it was hard to see it empty & to pull away, but I knew we were leaving to start a new chapter in our lives - that is what life is about new adventures, risks, challenges etc.
We have been here now 2 and half months, and in the first month we unpacked just what we felt we needed (so we don't have to repack when we move again) and also went through everything and decided if we needed it or not. My body was tired and sore, but I managed by taking days here and there to just rest it. December came a long and the next thing I knew it was Christmas! All of my kids were able to make it up here for Christmas - that truly was my present! It was so good to see my boys and my daughter!
In the first couple of weeks and the weeks to follow, I truly expected to be crying, still grieving for my loss of not having my kids around and for the house I was no longer in, but to my shock, I didn't find myself crying. Its really strange actually, but I am thinking that I had gone through the emotions before hand, as much as I could and when it came down to it, it was enough for me emotionally. don't get me wrong, I miss my kids terribly, but I know they are OK and managing and I couldn't be more proud of them. Where we have moved to now, truly feels like HOME and I think that had a lot to do with it as well - feeling like this is home.
At times I still wait for the flood gates to open, but they haven't so I don't think they will. That being said if they do, I will let them open. Feelings and emotions are critical to our well being, and we must let them surface.
So for now I will continue on with my new chapter and see where it takes me.
Stay strong and keep fighting!
_________________________________________________
Here I am again, writing later then I wanted to, my aoplogies!
I have now been off work for over a year, and it is still the best thing I could have done. I have no regrets with my decision. I still have good and bad days, but at least when they happen, I don't have to worry about work.
I have been recently diagnosed with "vertigo", and am waiting on my doctor for whats next as far as treatment goes. I totally didn't expect this, I didn't even know what it was until I googled it! Its not fun I will admitt. The dizziness & nauseasness at times is unbareable, but I do my best to manage it.
After many showings of our house it finally sold a the end of September 2012 (it actually went to he person who put an offer on the house 2 weeks after it was on the market - we just had to wait for them to sell their place). My husband had to start work in early September, but I had to stay and wait. We began to slowly pack some things (the majority of it was being done by packers and movers), however, I had my aquariums to take down, and we had to be out by October 26/12. Once we had a date there was lots to get done in just 3 weeks. But we did, and on the 26 we were on the road to begin our new life! It took us roughly 4 hours to get to where we were moving to, with Daisy in the back seat of my car! She enjoyed it I think - we put her bed on the seat & I think she felt a bit more comfortable!
We had not found a place to buy (the one we had an offer on fell through as our house wasn't sold yet) so my husband was able to find us a rental house (we are still in it, and still looking for something to buy). So for the first week here we stayed in a motel and then on November 1/12 we moved into the rental - the rental is very nice & I am grateful we have it.
I didn't have alot of time to really think or feel any emotion, except the day we left. I had lived in that house for 25 years and it was hard to see it empty & to pull away, but I knew we were leaving to start a new chapter in our lives - that is what life is about new adventures, risks, challenges etc.
We have been here now 2 and half months, and in the first month we unpacked just what we felt we needed (so we don't have to repack when we move again) and also went through everything and decided if we needed it or not. My body was tired and sore, but I managed by taking days here and there to just rest it. December came a long and the next thing I knew it was Christmas! All of my kids were able to make it up here for Christmas - that truly was my present! It was so good to see my boys and my daughter!
In the first couple of weeks and the weeks to follow, I truly expected to be crying, still grieving for my loss of not having my kids around and for the house I was no longer in, but to my shock, I didn't find myself crying. Its really strange actually, but I am thinking that I had gone through the emotions before hand, as much as I could and when it came down to it, it was enough for me emotionally. don't get me wrong, I miss my kids terribly, but I know they are OK and managing and I couldn't be more proud of them. Where we have moved to now, truly feels like HOME and I think that had a lot to do with it as well - feeling like this is home.
At times I still wait for the flood gates to open, but they haven't so I don't think they will. That being said if they do, I will let them open. Feelings and emotions are critical to our well being, and we must let them surface.
So for now I will continue on with my new chapter and see where it takes me.
Stay strong and keep fighting!
_________________________________________________
May 21, 2013
Since my last update, my "vertigo" is gone, I went to see an ENT doctor, who re-positioned my head and the crystals inside and it certainly worked. Its wonderful not to be dizzy or nauseas anymore!
We have finally found a house to buy! For us it is perfect, and it roughly took a year, but it was well worth the wait! We take possession July 1. We will be updating it a lot to make it our "own" and as much as that will be fun it will be a lot of hard work. So I must remember to take it easy, because if I don't I will just pay for it later and my body may not be as forgiving.
In most of March and April, I was sick with a cold. It would come for a few days, then be gone for a few then come back, and I think it was then, that my body finally crashed after all I had put it through from the previous year with starting to sell our house until after christmas, when things began to settle down and my body had, had enough. So I spent most of January, February, March & April not doing very much, as I just didn't have the energy.
I had another good lesson with my body and the fibromyalgia about a month ago now. I decided I would do some gardening for the owners of the rental house we are in, and so I did just that. I thought I was doing good by only doing about an hour each day, but what happened was I did that for 4 days straight, then one day was spent on cleaning our trailer inside as we were going to be selling it. Well, lets just say, my body was not happy and it let me know it. It took at least 2 and half weeks for me to recover from just that, so a lesson learned well. Now when I do things, (such as packing) I only do it for a short period of time a day, and if I do a few days in a row, I then stop and miss a few days. Not the fastest way of getting it done, but I don't want to be in a state where I was before when I was gardening.
Emotionally, as I have said before, I truly felt that I would be crying over this new adventure in my life, but it has yet to come, and I can only think that is because "this" was suppose to happen - us moving to where we are. It truly does feel like home. Of course I still miss my kids, but they have come up here a few times already, and that is wonderful.
So my next adventure will be moving into our new home, and creating a space that is "ours". I am very much looking forward to this and to see what else the future holds for me!
Keep staying strong!!!
__________________________________________________
Since my last update, my "vertigo" is gone, I went to see an ENT doctor, who re-positioned my head and the crystals inside and it certainly worked. Its wonderful not to be dizzy or nauseas anymore!
We have finally found a house to buy! For us it is perfect, and it roughly took a year, but it was well worth the wait! We take possession July 1. We will be updating it a lot to make it our "own" and as much as that will be fun it will be a lot of hard work. So I must remember to take it easy, because if I don't I will just pay for it later and my body may not be as forgiving.
In most of March and April, I was sick with a cold. It would come for a few days, then be gone for a few then come back, and I think it was then, that my body finally crashed after all I had put it through from the previous year with starting to sell our house until after christmas, when things began to settle down and my body had, had enough. So I spent most of January, February, March & April not doing very much, as I just didn't have the energy.
I had another good lesson with my body and the fibromyalgia about a month ago now. I decided I would do some gardening for the owners of the rental house we are in, and so I did just that. I thought I was doing good by only doing about an hour each day, but what happened was I did that for 4 days straight, then one day was spent on cleaning our trailer inside as we were going to be selling it. Well, lets just say, my body was not happy and it let me know it. It took at least 2 and half weeks for me to recover from just that, so a lesson learned well. Now when I do things, (such as packing) I only do it for a short period of time a day, and if I do a few days in a row, I then stop and miss a few days. Not the fastest way of getting it done, but I don't want to be in a state where I was before when I was gardening.
Emotionally, as I have said before, I truly felt that I would be crying over this new adventure in my life, but it has yet to come, and I can only think that is because "this" was suppose to happen - us moving to where we are. It truly does feel like home. Of course I still miss my kids, but they have come up here a few times already, and that is wonderful.
So my next adventure will be moving into our new home, and creating a space that is "ours". I am very much looking forward to this and to see what else the future holds for me!
Keep staying strong!!!
__________________________________________________
September 7, 2013
Well it has been 2 months since we have moved into our new house, and we truly love it here - it is definitely home. We have started many upgrades on the house that needed doing. Its been fun to watch it progress over the weeks. We still have a long way to go, but at least we are making it our own.
I have learned many things over the past year of being here, mostly about myself, and my health. I feel that I needed to do this and to do this I needed to move to here.
One of the biggest things I have learned about myself and I will continue to learn, as I feel that is something we do life long. I have now learned and now convey to any company we have over, that to not be offended when I excuse myself in the early evening. For me I need to go upstairs and climb in my best and rest 1 - 2 hours before I actually go to sleep. I find that THIS is what my body needs by the end of the night. This is also something new that I have done since moving to where we are. At first it was hard, as I wasn't sure people would understand, or judge me, or whatever. But after I had done it a few times, it felt right! I also realized I didn't care what they thought of me, because THIS is for me, for my health, and that is the most important thing in my life - my health and the best I can make it. With every person I have spoken too about this, they have all been wonderful about me excusing myself and completely understanding. My point here, apart from what I have learned for myself, is that when you need to stand up for something you believe in, then do it, this makes us who we are, makes us strong and in return it makes us feel good about ourselves. So I encourage you to be strong, believe in yourself, stand up for yourself when you need to, yes its scary, but each time you do, it gets easier. That being said you may not get the reaction from people that you would like, but remember you were strong, you believed in something that meant a great deal to you, so regardless of the reaction, know you did well!
My health is about the same, with the exception that in July I found out that I had low B-12. This was such a shock to me because my B-12 has been fine for 12 years now, and the only reason we found out about it was because I do yearly blood work and with that I ask that my B-12 be checked because it was one of the health issues I had while in recovery. This time it was lower then it was when I was in recovery, so needless to say I was very surprised, but it made a lot of sense as to why I was more tired then usual! Since then I have been on monthly shots as well as taking a B-12 vitamin. Sometimes I don't think the shots are working, but I am sure they are, I am just using up everything I have and can't seem to keep it stored in my body. So for the next 10 months I will continue to do the shots and hope my body will begin to store it.
Remember, keep strong, keep believing, and never give up!
Well it has been 2 months since we have moved into our new house, and we truly love it here - it is definitely home. We have started many upgrades on the house that needed doing. Its been fun to watch it progress over the weeks. We still have a long way to go, but at least we are making it our own.
I have learned many things over the past year of being here, mostly about myself, and my health. I feel that I needed to do this and to do this I needed to move to here.
One of the biggest things I have learned about myself and I will continue to learn, as I feel that is something we do life long. I have now learned and now convey to any company we have over, that to not be offended when I excuse myself in the early evening. For me I need to go upstairs and climb in my best and rest 1 - 2 hours before I actually go to sleep. I find that THIS is what my body needs by the end of the night. This is also something new that I have done since moving to where we are. At first it was hard, as I wasn't sure people would understand, or judge me, or whatever. But after I had done it a few times, it felt right! I also realized I didn't care what they thought of me, because THIS is for me, for my health, and that is the most important thing in my life - my health and the best I can make it. With every person I have spoken too about this, they have all been wonderful about me excusing myself and completely understanding. My point here, apart from what I have learned for myself, is that when you need to stand up for something you believe in, then do it, this makes us who we are, makes us strong and in return it makes us feel good about ourselves. So I encourage you to be strong, believe in yourself, stand up for yourself when you need to, yes its scary, but each time you do, it gets easier. That being said you may not get the reaction from people that you would like, but remember you were strong, you believed in something that meant a great deal to you, so regardless of the reaction, know you did well!
My health is about the same, with the exception that in July I found out that I had low B-12. This was such a shock to me because my B-12 has been fine for 12 years now, and the only reason we found out about it was because I do yearly blood work and with that I ask that my B-12 be checked because it was one of the health issues I had while in recovery. This time it was lower then it was when I was in recovery, so needless to say I was very surprised, but it made a lot of sense as to why I was more tired then usual! Since then I have been on monthly shots as well as taking a B-12 vitamin. Sometimes I don't think the shots are working, but I am sure they are, I am just using up everything I have and can't seem to keep it stored in my body. So for the next 10 months I will continue to do the shots and hope my body will begin to store it.
Remember, keep strong, keep believing, and never give up!
____________________________________
January 4, 2015
A whole year has passed and I didn't write at all in 2014. It feels like that year is a blur now, but we were so busy with continuing on renovating our house (it seems never ending!) but I know one day we will get there.
I am sitting here writing this while watching the snow fall down, we are in a "snowfall" warning and so far my husband has been out 4 times to shovel the snow and I suspect he will be going out more! At least its the fluffy kind and not wet!
Still love where we are living and our house. I so enjoy being able to look at the orchard behind us while sitting in my chair - its so peaceful and beautiful and don't forget quiet.
In spring of last year my daughter and I went to Hawaii, it was not only wonderful to get away, but to be with her, and enjoy being together. We made some wonderful memories together.
I have continued to focus on my health and doing what is best for me, because I have always said if I don't take care of myself first, how can I take care of others. I am still on monthly B-12 shots and I also take a B-12 vitamin daily.
I have had several fibromyalgia flare ups during the year, but manage as best as I can. Sometimes all I can do is just rest and let it takes its course, along with my medication which allows me to have quality of life. It is hard on my family but they are more understanding then they have ever been, and I am sure it can't be easy for them.
I still say stand up for what you believe in, speak your mind and use your voice, not your body to speak for you. Because THIS is how it makes us stronger and gives us self confidence!
This past christmas was most enjoying, all my adult kids were here along with my grand doggy (he gets so spoiled) and is so good for our Daisy. However, we found out some saddening news about our Daisy - she has lymphoma carcinoma - cancer and is only 5 years old. We have all been an emotional roller coaster with this as we never ever would have thought this would happen. My daughter (who has her animal science degree and hopes to get into Vet school) was the one that had diagnosed her to the T and it was confirmed when we went to the Vets. They took blood and 3 different biopsies of her lumps and it was the longest 24 hours of our lives waiting for the results. We will be returning to our Vet in a few days where I have more questions to ask him (actually he was away during the holidays and we saw an intern vet) and obviously to let him know. She is currently on prednisone to help shrink the lumps and it has worked but the side effects are not the best and that is at the top of my question list. We chose not to do chemotherapy as she just has too many lumps and, although, we don't know for sure, (does it really matter at this point) but feel the cancer is elsewhere in her body. Typically dogs with this are older and only live for 1 - 3 months so for now we are enjoying every blessed day with her. I cuddle with her daily, talk to her, pet her and in return she looks up at me and gives me a kiss. For right now it can't get any better then that. I know my emotional roller coaster will continue on especially once she is gone, but I have learned that tears are OK, and much needed in healing. So I let them fall down my cheeks, onto my arms and gently wipe them away. They are real and so is this emotion I feel.
Emotions need to be allowed to surface its what makes us human, it helps us heal, and it makes it real. For so long most of us have buried our feelings, but, I hope you hear me when I say let them out, you will feel better. At first it might feel uncomfortable but in time it will become easier and you will see the advantages of it.
I wish you all the best in 2015 and please remember do not give up, it is so worth it.
Please feel free to email me with any questions you might have.
Below are a few recent photo's of our girl.
January 4, 2015
A whole year has passed and I didn't write at all in 2014. It feels like that year is a blur now, but we were so busy with continuing on renovating our house (it seems never ending!) but I know one day we will get there.
I am sitting here writing this while watching the snow fall down, we are in a "snowfall" warning and so far my husband has been out 4 times to shovel the snow and I suspect he will be going out more! At least its the fluffy kind and not wet!
Still love where we are living and our house. I so enjoy being able to look at the orchard behind us while sitting in my chair - its so peaceful and beautiful and don't forget quiet.
In spring of last year my daughter and I went to Hawaii, it was not only wonderful to get away, but to be with her, and enjoy being together. We made some wonderful memories together.
I have continued to focus on my health and doing what is best for me, because I have always said if I don't take care of myself first, how can I take care of others. I am still on monthly B-12 shots and I also take a B-12 vitamin daily.
I have had several fibromyalgia flare ups during the year, but manage as best as I can. Sometimes all I can do is just rest and let it takes its course, along with my medication which allows me to have quality of life. It is hard on my family but they are more understanding then they have ever been, and I am sure it can't be easy for them.
I still say stand up for what you believe in, speak your mind and use your voice, not your body to speak for you. Because THIS is how it makes us stronger and gives us self confidence!
This past christmas was most enjoying, all my adult kids were here along with my grand doggy (he gets so spoiled) and is so good for our Daisy. However, we found out some saddening news about our Daisy - she has lymphoma carcinoma - cancer and is only 5 years old. We have all been an emotional roller coaster with this as we never ever would have thought this would happen. My daughter (who has her animal science degree and hopes to get into Vet school) was the one that had diagnosed her to the T and it was confirmed when we went to the Vets. They took blood and 3 different biopsies of her lumps and it was the longest 24 hours of our lives waiting for the results. We will be returning to our Vet in a few days where I have more questions to ask him (actually he was away during the holidays and we saw an intern vet) and obviously to let him know. She is currently on prednisone to help shrink the lumps and it has worked but the side effects are not the best and that is at the top of my question list. We chose not to do chemotherapy as she just has too many lumps and, although, we don't know for sure, (does it really matter at this point) but feel the cancer is elsewhere in her body. Typically dogs with this are older and only live for 1 - 3 months so for now we are enjoying every blessed day with her. I cuddle with her daily, talk to her, pet her and in return she looks up at me and gives me a kiss. For right now it can't get any better then that. I know my emotional roller coaster will continue on especially once she is gone, but I have learned that tears are OK, and much needed in healing. So I let them fall down my cheeks, onto my arms and gently wipe them away. They are real and so is this emotion I feel.
Emotions need to be allowed to surface its what makes us human, it helps us heal, and it makes it real. For so long most of us have buried our feelings, but, I hope you hear me when I say let them out, you will feel better. At first it might feel uncomfortable but in time it will become easier and you will see the advantages of it.
I wish you all the best in 2015 and please remember do not give up, it is so worth it.
Please feel free to email me with any questions you might have.
Below are a few recent photo's of our girl.
___________________________________________
February 14, 2015
My Sweet Daisy
On January 27, 2015 we let our sweet Daisy go. It was one of the most difficult decisions to make, but it was time. She would put up a good front for the people who came to see her, but as soon as they were gone, she came to me, lied down by my feet and looked up at me. And I would say to her "mama's here baby" then I would pet her until I could feel her calming down, continuing to talk to her through that whole time. I know she is at peace now, there is no more cancer and she is running around or swimming as she crossed over the rainbow bridge - this gives me great comfort as I continue to grieve for her.
The last few days before her time was up she was spoiled with foods, foods she couldn't have before and boy did she love it! My daughter was here, and she spoiled her with activities that Daisy loved, she went to the beach with her, took her for short walks, petted her, you name it and Daisy loved it all, (there was not pretending here either or putting up a front) but when she got home, she would come to me, lie down at my feet, look up at me and I would say "mama's here baby" I would pet her until she calmed down and talked to her. Daisy knew she didn't have to pretend with me or put on a front, she could just be herself, as she always has with me and me with her. Her last 3 nights were not good ones, they were not fun for her, I was up with her every hour, and so this helped me to know it was time, it was her way of saying I can't do this anymore.
Daisy loved me for who I am - unconditionally. She knew when I could and couldn't do certain things during the day because of how I was feeling, whether I was tire, or sore from the fibro, or swollen from the arthritis it didn't matter to her, she was always by my side. So patient, so understanding, so caring, so kind, and oh so loving.
My heart still aches for her every day, at 5 she was too young to leave me. I'll continue to grieve for her as long as I need to because there is no time limit, there is no set rule on this, but I will know inside when the grieving time has lessened.
RIP my sweet girl, mama loves you, mama misses you, and you always will be with me. Thank you for coming into my life and making it so much more special with you in it.
I created a video of some of our favourite photo's you can find it on the link below.
February 14, 2015
My Sweet Daisy
On January 27, 2015 we let our sweet Daisy go. It was one of the most difficult decisions to make, but it was time. She would put up a good front for the people who came to see her, but as soon as they were gone, she came to me, lied down by my feet and looked up at me. And I would say to her "mama's here baby" then I would pet her until I could feel her calming down, continuing to talk to her through that whole time. I know she is at peace now, there is no more cancer and she is running around or swimming as she crossed over the rainbow bridge - this gives me great comfort as I continue to grieve for her.
The last few days before her time was up she was spoiled with foods, foods she couldn't have before and boy did she love it! My daughter was here, and she spoiled her with activities that Daisy loved, she went to the beach with her, took her for short walks, petted her, you name it and Daisy loved it all, (there was not pretending here either or putting up a front) but when she got home, she would come to me, lie down at my feet, look up at me and I would say "mama's here baby" I would pet her until she calmed down and talked to her. Daisy knew she didn't have to pretend with me or put on a front, she could just be herself, as she always has with me and me with her. Her last 3 nights were not good ones, they were not fun for her, I was up with her every hour, and so this helped me to know it was time, it was her way of saying I can't do this anymore.
Daisy loved me for who I am - unconditionally. She knew when I could and couldn't do certain things during the day because of how I was feeling, whether I was tire, or sore from the fibro, or swollen from the arthritis it didn't matter to her, she was always by my side. So patient, so understanding, so caring, so kind, and oh so loving.
My heart still aches for her every day, at 5 she was too young to leave me. I'll continue to grieve for her as long as I need to because there is no time limit, there is no set rule on this, but I will know inside when the grieving time has lessened.
RIP my sweet girl, mama loves you, mama misses you, and you always will be with me. Thank you for coming into my life and making it so much more special with you in it.
I created a video of some of our favourite photo's you can find it on the link below.
©KimRatcliffe