This is written by a young woman who is 19, her name is Jessica. I find this to be very powerful and true. I am sure, that WE can or have related to it.
What does life feel like? What is it supposed to feel like? Is it supposed to hurt all of the time? A heavy shroud of sadness covers the happiness that lies inside. Push it off… oh you’ve tried? It won’t budge. Well, then you didn’t try hard enough, but that’s not much of a surprise now is it? You haven’t done something right, once again. You never will. The good voices can fight the bad voices, but somehow bad manages to win out in the end at all times, leaving the good lying defeated and bleeding in a corner. Why is it the good voices tend to whisper, whereas the bad ones scream? What makes you so sad little girl? The tears fall from your eyes, no purpose, and no reason, saline-flavored pain slipping past your lips. Will this mass confusion dissipate with age? Will it worsen? There can be no simplicity. There can be no echoing laughter. No one understands, no one sees the waste of skin that sits before them. The compliments given are empty. The Truth is nasty. There is no beauty here. Fake the smiles, fake the giggles, fake the optimism. Deception is par for the course. Choose your own truths. Don’t worry, be happy - Happy is unknown, worry is the road more traveled. Life is hard, they say (they know everything, don’t they)? Life is hard for those who deserve it so. Hasn’t anybody ever told you that you can never be too rich or too thin? Excess equals happiness? Unless it happens to be excess in the opposite sense, in which case it’s equal to excess of sadness. Sadness, gloom, despondency...
What does life feel like? What is it supposed to feel like? Is it supposed to hurt all of the time? A heavy shroud of sadness covers the happiness that lies inside. Push it off… oh you’ve tried? It won’t budge. Well, then you didn’t try hard enough, but that’s not much of a surprise now is it? You haven’t done something right, once again. You never will. The good voices can fight the bad voices, but somehow bad manages to win out in the end at all times, leaving the good lying defeated and bleeding in a corner. Why is it the good voices tend to whisper, whereas the bad ones scream? What makes you so sad little girl? The tears fall from your eyes, no purpose, and no reason, saline-flavored pain slipping past your lips. Will this mass confusion dissipate with age? Will it worsen? There can be no simplicity. There can be no echoing laughter. No one understands, no one sees the waste of skin that sits before them. The compliments given are empty. The Truth is nasty. There is no beauty here. Fake the smiles, fake the giggles, fake the optimism. Deception is par for the course. Choose your own truths. Don’t worry, be happy - Happy is unknown, worry is the road more traveled. Life is hard, they say (they know everything, don’t they)? Life is hard for those who deserve it so. Hasn’t anybody ever told you that you can never be too rich or too thin? Excess equals happiness? Unless it happens to be excess in the opposite sense, in which case it’s equal to excess of sadness. Sadness, gloom, despondency...
This is written by a 25 year old woman, whose name is Jennifer. This poetry reflects how she has felt with her eating disorder.
"Just Around the Corner"
Just around the corner it lurks
I am just hanging by
a strand of life.
No longer am I free of care
to dance and run and play and share.
I am held down by the
hurtful cycles that
haunt me everyday.
I build a wall
around my heart
But it watches my every move.
It waits.
Waits for me to let my
guard down.
For me to feel comfortable with
myself again.
I will never be free.
I will never stop feeling its
grasp on my heart.
It taunts me in the mirror
It laughs at me in the cold
It watches me in my sleep
It waits around the corner.
I will never be at peace.
I feel its shadow everywhere
It lurks
I run
It laughs
I fall
I fight again.
I am tired.
I am weak.
How long will it keep ahold of me?
Will I have the strength to fight this fight forever?
Jennifer Sanders
"Reflections in the Mirror"
Peace, serenity, and calmness
I feel my self-love envelope around me.
I am still.
Urgency is gone.
The chains holding me down have been loosed.
I have stepped back from the edge and
I am whole again.
I am honest with myself
I deserve happiness.
I allow myself to feel joy.
No more self-punishment.
No more negative voices.
No more cutting.
I am me.
I see myself; simple true, and new.
Someday....
....someday when I look at my reflection.....someday
I WILL see this.
Jennifer Sanders
"Happy is Thin?"
I have only one need which is killing me
To look in the mirror and be able to see
a goal that's been reached though it be a sin
A soul that is happy a body that is thin
As I struggle in silence to get through each day
My mind once was clear yet now its turned gray
I'm loosing the fight at this constant terror
Of the pain I see with the foe in the mirror
But when I am thin my task will be done
It is when I feel happy that I know I have won
Yet I wont give up until I can see
A skinny reflection looking back at me.
Jennifer R. Sanders 10/92
"My Enemy"
The friend is back I thought one day
as my reflection laughed at me
Fighting and yelling about
the image wanting to be free.
I've runaway from this constant stare
yet the walls have locked me in.
The darkness engulfs me
with my foe in the mirror to win.
My life is a battle and I am at war.
My body is My own enemy.
I'm fighting with all my strength
yet the chains of shame wont let me be.
Suffering in silence the battle within
I am quietly fading away
Crying inside, dying outside
with the enemy only I can see.
Jennifer Sanders
"Just Around the Corner"
Just around the corner it lurks
I am just hanging by
a strand of life.
No longer am I free of care
to dance and run and play and share.
I am held down by the
hurtful cycles that
haunt me everyday.
I build a wall
around my heart
But it watches my every move.
It waits.
Waits for me to let my
guard down.
For me to feel comfortable with
myself again.
I will never be free.
I will never stop feeling its
grasp on my heart.
It taunts me in the mirror
It laughs at me in the cold
It watches me in my sleep
It waits around the corner.
I will never be at peace.
I feel its shadow everywhere
It lurks
I run
It laughs
I fall
I fight again.
I am tired.
I am weak.
How long will it keep ahold of me?
Will I have the strength to fight this fight forever?
Jennifer Sanders
"Reflections in the Mirror"
Peace, serenity, and calmness
I feel my self-love envelope around me.
I am still.
Urgency is gone.
The chains holding me down have been loosed.
I have stepped back from the edge and
I am whole again.
I am honest with myself
I deserve happiness.
I allow myself to feel joy.
No more self-punishment.
No more negative voices.
No more cutting.
I am me.
I see myself; simple true, and new.
Someday....
....someday when I look at my reflection.....someday
I WILL see this.
Jennifer Sanders
"Happy is Thin?"
I have only one need which is killing me
To look in the mirror and be able to see
a goal that's been reached though it be a sin
A soul that is happy a body that is thin
As I struggle in silence to get through each day
My mind once was clear yet now its turned gray
I'm loosing the fight at this constant terror
Of the pain I see with the foe in the mirror
But when I am thin my task will be done
It is when I feel happy that I know I have won
Yet I wont give up until I can see
A skinny reflection looking back at me.
Jennifer R. Sanders 10/92
"My Enemy"
The friend is back I thought one day
as my reflection laughed at me
Fighting and yelling about
the image wanting to be free.
I've runaway from this constant stare
yet the walls have locked me in.
The darkness engulfs me
with my foe in the mirror to win.
My life is a battle and I am at war.
My body is My own enemy.
I'm fighting with all my strength
yet the chains of shame wont let me be.
Suffering in silence the battle within
I am quietly fading away
Crying inside, dying outside
with the enemy only I can see.
Jennifer Sanders
©kimratcliffe